Craptastic

The past few days have just been shitty. It started on Wednesday night when I smacked the side of my head on a wall shelf hard enough to knock me on the ground. Then, yesterday, I cut my palm pretty deeply with a steak knife trying to pry frozen pancakes apart. I know that wasn't the smartest thing to do in the world but I was distracted by two kids yelling two different demands at me and I hadn't had any coffee yet. I ended up going to the doctor's office yesterday to get a tetanus shot, bandaged up and antibiotics. Despite her bandaging my wound keeps reopening and bleeding. Joy. Then, today things were going all right. I did some cleaning and a whole bunch of laundry and managed to keep a positive attitude despite the pain radiating off of my palm. Yay me. I finally got some coffee into a cup this afternoon and I hear that sound I hate - the dog's body thumping on the floor. Yup, she's having a seizure. My son is oblivious to it (thank God) because he's so involved with Go Diego Go. This was a bad seizure for Molly. It lasted over a couple of minutes and then she just laid there not responding or moving. She blinked and panted but that was about it. She stayed like that for several minutes. I called my husband and he said just get her onto some hardwood so she's off the carpet. I'd already taken care of that. The next step was to get her outside in case she has to pee/poop. Got her outside in the rain and she's miserable. She's winding herself around my legs and whimpering. I had a lot of pity for her but I was afraid she'd knock me on my ass so I backed away but made sure she could still hear my voice. I'm not sure if she lost her sight like she usually does. She decides she wants to go back inside and I'm more than happy to accomodate her. I get inside, look at my hand, which is throbbing, and notice to my horror that my bandage is now dirty and damp from all this. I'm not supposed to get it wet until tomorrow and I'm relatively sure that dirt and grime are a no no as well. On top of all this my son is freaking because Diego was over and he was ready for a new one. This day better improve or I'm going to snap. I did briefly consider adding Bailey's or Kahlua to my coffee but figured that wouldn't really help anything. Would it?

Oh, I forgot to mention my phone call with my Mom this a.m. That's always good fodder for a post. We're driving up to Pennsylvania on Sunday to celebrate my Nana's 95th birthday with my mom, aunt, uncle and cousins and Nana, of course. My Mom sounded kind of funny on the phone like something was bothering her but I chose to ignore it with everything else filling up my mind. Finally, I hear her say "I know my saying this might bother you..." Oh goody, this should be fun. "But I'd appreciate it if you could refer to your aunt as Aunt Rose Ann rather than just Rose Ann." Um, ok. In my defense I only started calling her Rose Ann because she teased me several times for still calling her and her husband my Aunt Rose Ann and Uncle Jim. Whatever. Finally, my Mom got to what was really bothering her. Apparently, she thinks that because I dropped the "aunt" title when talking to my aunt, my cousin Jennifer has started calling my mom Joyce instead of Aunt Joyce. This really bothers my Mom. Anyway, I was so irritated by her approach to all this I didn't bother mentioning my knife trick to her. I figure that would just send her into a tizzy. We can hold off on tizzies until Sunday. Lord knows, there will be enough of them given the way my relatives are.

Procrastination... what else is new?

My husband's Aunt and Uncle are dropping in for a visit on Saturday morning. So, I have the ambitious plan to get the whole downstairs spic and span over the next couple of days. I'm going to clean the living room, family room, dining room, kitchen and powder room (half bath). Which one should I address this afternoon? Dust and vacuum the three easier rooms or address some of the scrubbing that needs to be done in the bathroom or kitchen? How about none of the above? I'm so not in the mood to clean and I can't motivate myself to get moving. I know these rooms aren't going to clean themselves and I will be horribly embarrassed if these people show up on Saturday and the house is in its current scuzzy state. My butt remains planted in my office chair. Sigh.

My grandmother (I call her Nana) turns 95 tomorrow. I guess I have a bit of good genes in my blood. We'll be celebrating with her on Sunday. So, yesterday I got my haircut. It's much shorter than I'd wanted but I think it's actually kind of nice. Check out my new profile pic. It's not looking as nice as the stylist had it yesterday but it's not too bad for not using a hairdryer or any styling tools, eh?

Fatigue Sucks

This was going to be a post about chronic fatigue syndrome and how it's affected my life. By the way, if you're a mom with CFS or fibromyalgia please check out my group on cafemom.com at http://www.cafemom.com/group/12347. We have a great bunch of women there offering information and support.

Anywho, this post is going to be a vent about my husband instead. I'm very angry right now so this may come out kind of harsh. We're both very tired (thus the title fatigue sucks) so I suppose I should give him a little leeway but I'm feeling cranky so he gets nothing.

This afternoon I sent my son into my daughter's room ahead of me after she woke up from her nap. He gets a kick out of being the first one in there and getting to play with her toys while she's still in her crib. She doesn't complain and I'm usually in there within a few minutes so it's not a problem. Today I took the time to go pee first and take my thyroid medicine so he was alone with her a little longer than usual. When I got in there he had managed to snag her butterfly mobile from pottery barn kids with a toy and had pulled a butterfly off of it. Here's PBKs pic of it.



I got very upset and started yelling at Joshua. My husband, who had been working outside all day and didn't have to deal with the kids at all, came in to see what was going on. When I explained how upset I was (with big tears rolling down my face as I struggled to fix the mobile) he began to lecture me on how it really wasn't that important if it was broken and to basically get over it. I know it was just a mobile and not worth the tears but I didn't need to be told that. I needed some sympathy. So, after trying to explain why this meant something to me and how expensive it was and blah, blah, blah he kept interrupting me. Finally I blurted out "stop talking to me like I'm a mental patient!" I then tried to explain more why this was such a big deal but he grabbed my daughter and stomped out of her room leaving me stunned and alone with my son who kept asking me what was wrong. When I finally yelled "don't walk away from me" he told me he couldn't talk to me right now in a very pissed off tone. So, I got my son out of my daughter's room, got him downstairs and grabbed the car keys. Then, I left the house and all this crap and went for a little drive to the post office. I wish it could've been something more exciting than that but I did have a package to mail for Ebay.

Real mature, eh? I just couldn't believe that my husband had walked out on me during a discussion. I used to get yelled at him for doing that very same thing in the beginning of our relationship and now here he was doing the same thing. Why is that acceptable all of a sudden?

Now he's acting like everything's peachy keen and back to normal but I'm still pissed. I don't want to just pretend that everything is ok when it's not. However, I feel like that's kind of immature. However, I know he's not going to bring this up or bother trying to apologize and frankly I'm too irritated and tired to try to work this out.

How can he just let something like this drop without trying to resolve the discord? He must know I'm still pissed.

Anyway, I managed to fix the mobile and warned my son never to touch it again.

I sooooo need to get a good night's sleep tonight.

Just When You Think You've Seen It All...

Thanks to the end of Daylight Savings Time today my kids woke up at 6:30 instead of 7:30 so we were able to get out the door to enjoy the morning. I decided to take them to a local park where there are hiking trails and a playground. We took our hike first and that was a lot of fun. Although it was cold outside (mid forties), the sun was shining and we were moving around a lot so it was pleasant. We didn't see any wildlife but my son had fun pointing out the trail blazes on the trees for me and we got to say "hi" to a few other people out for a hike. One of those folks was a woman hiking with her yellow lab. She didn't say "hi" back but I figured maybe she was one of those folks that aren't too keen on kids or something. I forgot about her and we finished our hike.

The kids were thrilled to have the whole playground to themselves. I guess other people's kids observed the time change and obliged their parents by sleeping in. Anyway, we were having a blast and then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the antisocial woman and her dog emerging from one of the trails. To my surprise she headed right for the playground. I was a little ticked that she was walking her dog across a playground (people aren't supposed to do that in case the dog poops or pees on the play area). However, I was in for an even bigger surprise when I heard her talking to her dog and saying something about slides. Yup, you guessed it. She had her dog walk up the stairs and pulled the dog's lead until it went down a slide. WTF? The dog had no desire to go down the itty bitty slide and she really had to baby talk to it and pull its lead to get it down. She did this several times until she'd had her fill.

How bizarre is that? Don't get me wrong, I love my pets and I've done some things that my neighbors must have thought odd like putting a harness on the cat and walking it around the backyard. However, this seemed a little more on the weird side than I felt comfortable with, ya know? Oh well, I guess people really do march to the beat of a different drummer.

On another note, I just wanted to say I had a blast on Halloween. My kids and I got dressed up and went trick or treating with my husband. The kids happily traded their candy in for new toys and now my husband and I are flying on sugar highs. Lovely. Anyway, here's pic of me in my pirate costume. It was nice having long hair again. LOL.

Please vote November 4

And if you're going to vote, please vote for Obama/Biden. For the first time in my life I made a contribution to a political candidate. This is the first time I actually believe that a person I'm voting for is going to make some changes for the better. Initially, I voted for Clinton in the primaries but when it became clear that she had no chance of winning I started learning more about Obama. The more I learned about his beliefs and how passionate yet calm he was I truly believed that this was the person who should be our next president. Like him, I believe that we have to repair our relations with our allies in the world. Our unilateral actions over the past eight years have done so much harm. The United States, although a powerful and wonderful country, cannot do everything alone. We need the support of our allies and we need to use diplomacy to get things done. In addition, we need someone who is willing to learn and work hard. I don't see McCain doing this. He is too busy insisting he is a maverick and sounds like he's just going to be bull-headed like Bush was for eight years. That is not going to help our economic woes. The next president is going to have a huge impact on the Supreme Court. If one or more of the justices retires the president will be choosing their replacement(s). This could swing the court to becoming even more conservative or could put some liberal justices in there. Having liberal justices would ensure the protection of rights such as Roe v Wade. I'm a grown woman and I don't want anyone telling me how to live my life. I could go on as to why I'm supporting Obama over McCain but I hear little howler monkeys (my children) clamoring for my attention. Feel free to send me a comment or message if you want to discuss this further.

Oh, the humiliation

Listen, I know I'm a screw up all on my own and that I'll never win the most organized, most-got-it-together or whatever award but I didn't expect my kids to completely tumble me off of my meager, barely socially-acceptable, pedestal. Wrong again. I was "working" in my office this afternoon, er, that means I was playing online games, and the doorbell rang. My son joyfully announced that people were here. And, oh boy, they're kids! So, I left my office and walked out into the living room. To my chagrin, not only did my son have his pants removed (at least his training pants were still on), but he and my daughter were clambering on a side table and pulling photographs off the wall. Of course, the shades were up and the table was right next to the window so it would be impossible for any visitor not to notice this.

With great trepidation, and after calmly instructing the kids to get off the table and to put pants on (all said in an admirably restrained manner), I opened the door. Wouldn't you know it, it's the woman from down the street with her three kids. And this woman does have it all together. Her hair and makeup are always perfect, her teeth are perfect and she's very tall and willowy. Obviously, she has beautiful clothing on (I'm guessing size 4 or smaller) and her children are sweet-mannered little cherubs. Just the person I want at my door at this moment (or any moment)! At this point, my son is standing next to me, still sans pants and my daughter has decided to pull the hood of her sweatshirt up over her head and has removed her socks so she looks like a homeless street urchin. Great.

So, after some small talk where I'm trying to cover my mortification, I find out her daughter is selling candy as a fundraiser for her cheer leading squad (I will refrain from commenting about cheerleaders). Of course, the candy had peanuts or was cross-contaminated with them. So, I informed her I wouldn't be buying the candy but I could donate some money. I gave her $2 and couldn't wait to close the door. Of course, they want me to come over to their house on Halloween so they can see how cute my kids are dressed for Halloween. Oh sure, that should be great. That last sentence was dripping with sarcasm in case you didn't notice. I bet her kids aren't disassembling her house and I'm sure they'll have their pants on. Who knew that would be something I'm still trying to attain? Should I just give up and remove my own pants at this point? Is it possible for us to move yet? Ack!!!

The Economy

I am aware that there are some very rotten things going on in our economy right now. I read the newspapers, Newsweek and catch a few articles on the Internet. However, I'd honestly have a hard time finding how it's affected our everyday lives. We're still shopping the same way, we still have a roof over our heads and two cars in the garage. We're not planning any major purchases but I don't think it's because of the economy, I think it's just that we don't really need any big purchases (knock on wood). I think the only change we've considered is buying regular instead of organic eggs (I nixed that idea).I mean, we've talked about how we have to spend less but I haven't seen anything concrete come out of that.

Part of the problem is that we don't have a budget in place so we have no idea where the money goes. It's hard to know where to make cuts when you're not sure what you're spending. Also, we tend to nickel and dime ourselves into debt. I didn't really need new pants but I spent $25 on two pairs for me and a dress for my daughter. Not necessary, but I couldn't pass up that bargain. However, that's $25 we could've spent on something else or saved up. At least that's the way I see it.

We're not taking vacations (haven't had more than a three-day getaway anywhere for four years), we're not buying a new TV or computer or something like that. Ok, we bought a new car last year and a new couch and chairs this year but those really were necessary (old couches were over forty years old and the two-door coupe wasn't practical with two kids) and we did try to get the lowest price we could on those. I guess I'm confused because we talk about how we have to tighten our belts and all but then my husband overspends on gifts for me for our anniversary (c'mon, am I really going to complain about that?) and spends astronomical amounts at the grocery store.

It's not only us. Everyone in this area is really well-off and do not seem affected by the economic crisis. I haven't seen any foreclosures, there are new stores being built (including luxury ones), and people are talking about planning vacations and other extravagances. The parking lot at Whole Foods Market is always packed and people are still driving shiny new Mercedes.

It's kind of embarrassing to talk about this because I know that there are people who have lost their jobs, homes and are trying to decide between buying groceries or paying for prescriptions. So, this all has to be real but right now it seems so distant from me. Am I just ignorant of our financial situation? Am I going to wake up to a nightmare one of these mornings? I'm really trying to think of where to make cuts but it's hard to enact sacrifices when I'm not sure if there's even a point in doing so.

Life Changing Events

I got kind of wacky this week. I thought I found a lump which wasn't a lump and managed to lower my blood pressure from the astronomical level of 112/68 (I am being sarcastic, my blood pressure, on average, is ridiculously low) after I was seen by a nurse practitioner and told to stop worrying. I won't go into details about the lump and it's location since it's kind of embarrassing and the one person who reads this blog already knows where it was. Anyhow... before I knew that it wasn't anything to worry about I kind of had one of those moments where I thought "wow, if this is the end, what memories are my kids going to have of me, crazy, yelling-at-them mom, or fun mom who took them to new places and had lots to teach them with love?" So, I decided to be more understanding, to spend more time with them rather than the computer (that should've been obvious regardless of my health, shame on me), that we should schedule in outdoor time every day and to focus more on the positive than the negative. So, before I saw my nurse practitioner I took them for a long walk and we picked up different colored leaves and a rock that caught my son's eye. Normally, I would've told him not to take a rock from a neighbor's stone driveway 'cause if every kid took one then there wouldn't be much of a driveway left. Anyway, we listened to the birds singing and talked about all the things we were seeing. Then, that afternoon while my daughter was napping, I sat down at the kitchen table with my son and we created leaf pressings with some waxed paper and an iron. Then, I used my heart-shaped hole punch so we could thread some string through there and hang it in the window. Of course, then my son wanted to use the hole punch himself. New mommy said "OK" and gave him a magazine from recycling to mangle. I ignored the dozen paper hearts that were littering the floor as he punched away. After my husband got home, I nervously kissed my son goodbye and told him I loved him as I drove to my appointment.

Well, to make a long story short, nothing was wrong. I should defend myself here since I may sound a tad dramatic but even my husband was concerned about my discovery and urged me to get it checked out. He didn't say anything but he must have been worried since he emptied and loaded the dishwasher before he went to work. That never happens so I took it as a little sign that he was worried.

I got home from my ordeal, looked at the kids and my husband and decided that even though this turned out to be nothing, maybe I should learn from this whole thing. Would you call this an epiphany? Maybe I should treat each day like maybe it's the most important one and that it would be what my kids and husband remembered of me. Yup, getting corny. Obviously, I'm not going to be able to take my kids somewhere new and exciting every day but I can do simple things with them that lets them know I care. I'm going to try to make sure that the experiences aren't limited to just going to the grocery store or Target. I swear that my son thinks that going to the grocery store is the height of excitement sometimes. There really has to be more to life.

Today we went to our town's Main Street where there were about 50 scarecrows on display. Our town does a scarecrow contest each October and people really get creative with their themes. The kids loved it and I just enjoyed being outside on a warm, sunny October day. We passed by a park and there were tons of leaves on the ground and really annoying ducks. My son was eager to scuffle through the leaves and my daughter was beside herself about the ducks. "Quack, quack," she demanded imperiously. I was getting towards the end of my limits in terms of energy and desire to be there but I gave in and let my kids have a blast for ten minutes. It was so great to see the joy in their faces over such simple stuff. I really find that I find the greatest happiness in seeing my kids laughing and smiling. I really do need to lighten up more. Granted, I totally passed out this afternoon at nap time, something I rarely do, so I may need to budget my energy a little more carefully. However, today the extra effort was worth it.

Nothing exciting is planned for tomorrow other than shopping for new sneakers for my son. The ones he has are literally falling apart and I don't want him to go to Saturday's soccer practice wearing them. It's supposed to get a lot cooler but I think we'll still try to get outside for awhile even if it's just to the backyard (gotta scoop the dog's poop up first). We'll see how this goes.

EEGs are not fun

I went in to my EEG test this morning looking forward to an hour of relaxation. Um, no, that wasn't on the agenda. I had the electrodes attached to my scalp with this oopy, goopy stuff that gave me quite the attractive hairdo when I was done and then I had to lie perfectly still while the technician got stuff going on the computer. Then, just when I was about to relax she starts talking again. Now, don't get me wrong, she was a wonderful woman and I enjoyed talking to her while the electrodes were being attached. She made me laugh and it seemed like an occasion where the more laughter the better so I could relax. However, I was not in the mood for more conversation once the test began. For some reason I'd assumed I'd be left alone in the room for awhile but that wasn't the case. Then she started the photic stimulation part of the test. Basically, while I was lying on the table/bed there was a strobe light about three feet away from me flashing for awhile, stopping and then starting up again. My eyes started blinking rapidly during this and I couldn't get them to stop. Then, just as I was starting to recover from that we moved into the next and worst part of the test - the hyperventilation part. Wow, I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life. It was only supposed to last 3-5 minutes but it felt like hours of me hyperventilating. I got nauseous, my palms started sweating and I felt really disoriented and confused. I also started getting panicky thinking that something bad was going to happen. I also felt like I was going to pee my pants. Just when I was about to ask the woman to let me stop she told me I could. It's nine hours later and I'm still feeling out of sorts. I'm kind of a wimp I guess. Another surprise was that I wasn't meeting with the doctor today to discuss my MRI as I thought we would. I won't meet with her again until next Friday. I guess I'll get the results of the EEG then too. So, I'm still left feeling clueless.

On a more positive note, ever since I upped my dose of Cytomel under the reluctant approval of my endocrinologist, I've felt somewhat better. A tad more energy and I'm losing some of my weight. My face doesn't look quite as puffy. So, that's a bonus.

In other news, we celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary today. We didn't do anything too special. However, we did go to one of my favorite restaurants for dinner and I had roasted duck breast. YUMMY. One of the best gifts was that both kids were relatively well behaved during the meal so I didn't have to gulp everything down. I didn't dare risk ordering dessert but I didn't need it anyway.

What I've Learned This Week

The most important thing I've learned this week is that I hate doing a garage sale. I put way too many hours into sorting clothes (even washing and drying some of them), creating an Excel spreadsheet and setting up tables and clothing racks in an attractive fashion. I then sat out in my driveway for five hours (morning started out at 41 degrees, brr.) and only garnered $75 for my efforts. So, not worth it. However, I put two items up on EBay and within a couple of hours they were sold. In addition, one was sold at the price I was asking for at the garage sale (that people were complaining about) and the other was sold for even more than I offered it for at the sale. Guess where my time and energy is going from now on! Yep, I plan on becoming an EBay mogul.

I also learned that my son shouldn't have excessive amounts of sugar. Please note that the actual amount of sugar he has is still probably significantly below the average American child's intake. However, I have noticed that when he does have something sugary within a half hour there's a horrible mood change. He becomes hyper, belligerent and attacks his sister. When I put him in time out or ask him to stop doing whatever is wrong he hits me. The other day this angered me so much I put him in his room so that I wouldn't be tempted to smack him back. And boy was I tempted! All this bad behavior occurred because he tried a lollipop for the first time and had two homemade cookies (recipe for 24 cookies calls for 1/2 cup of sugar). So, today when I bake more cookies I'm going to halve the sugar called for and see if that improves things. I don't have to worry about lollipops today because he wasn't good enough yesterday to earn one for today. He's working on earning tomorrow's. However, other than this irritating behavior I didn't see any horrible reactions to these lollipops. I am so in love with the company who makes them, Yummy Earth. The lollipops are:
Gluten Free
Egg-free
Dairy-free
Peanut-free
Tree Nut free
Wheat-free
Soy-free
NO MSG
100% Natural Colors
No chemical dyes
Real Fruit Extracts
100% Natural Flavors
Certified Organic
Kof-K Kosher Parve
Plant: no tree nuts or peanuts.

What a relief for a parent with a food allergic child.

Stay tuned for more nuggets of wisdom from me in the coming days.

Medical Updates

I've been very busy lately in the health department lately. I've been trying to get therapy, I had an appointment with the neurologist last week and today I saw my endocrinologist and I'll be having two MRIs done tonight. Phew. I'm getting very tired of all this but maybe I'll get some answers. I did convince the endocrinologist to increase my Cytomel dosage (synthetic T3 hormone) as I'd had luck with the higher dose in the past. He wants to have my thyroid levels checked in eight weeks along with testing my vitamin D levels and my adrenal glands. I also convinced him that I should have an ultrasound done of my thyroid since I used to have that done in Northern Jersey but haven't since I moved here. He argued that it wasn't necessary since I didn't have nodules.... Um, correction buddy. The ultrasounds I had done up north did indicate there were nodules there but they were cold. I think it's important to have this done because I remember reading an article about CFS and thyroid issues that found thyroid malignancy in ME/CFS patients greatly exceeds the normal incidence of thyroid malignancy in any known subgroup. Check out a summary of the article at http://www.immunesupport.com/library/showarticle.cfm/id/8895

Anyway, the MRIs I'm having done tonight are for my brain and lower spine. Next week I'll meet with the neurologist again to go over those results and to have an EEG done. According to webmd.com an EEG is a test that measures and records the electrical activity of your brain. Special sensors (electrodes) are attached to your head and hooked by wires to a computer. The computer records your brain's electrical activity on the screen or on paper as wavy lines. Certain conditions, such as seizures, can be seen by the changes in the normal pattern of the brain's electrical activity.

I don't want them to find anything scary but I'm really hoping we can find some answers here. I'm tired of the diagnosis of chronic fatigue syndrome and the idea that it can't be cured. I don't want to just treat symptoms because that gets you on the path of taking medicines with icky side effects that sometimes are worse than the symptoms they're supposed to cure.

A bit of good news. My daughter had her 18 month appointment and she was in the 90th percentile for both height (33 inches) and weight (27 pounds, 13 ounces). My girl is HEALTHY!

I Love My Husband (No, Really!)

Our anniversary is still eight days away yet I've decided that this blog will express my appreciation for my husband because he has simply outdone himself over the past couple of days. We all went to my son's soccer game yesterday and he was a great Dad there to both kids. In the afternoon I took my son out to two festivals and when we got back there was my husband slaving over a hot oven. He made us brisket with carrots and potatoes and he threw together some knishes from scratch. That's not so easy when you can't use butter or eggs! He did a splendid job though. Today he made a special lunch for just him and me (kids got stuck with leftovers) and then he vacuumed and mopped the kitchen. I am overwhelmed. I don't know if this is all a result of my increased libido but hey I'm willing to keep that going if this is the reward! It doesn't hurt that I'm looking at my husband and thinking he's a hottie.

Of course, all these yummy foods are undermining my efforts to lose weight but I think once dear hubby returns to work on Monday I'll be able to get back on track with my diet.

We will be celebrating our sixth wedding anniversary on October 13. The traditional gifts are iron and candy and the modern is wood. I ended up buying him this beautiful wood bowl - hand carved from maple and I will also splurge on some gourmet candies. Unfortunately, I have a follow-up appointment with my neurologist that day but that won't take up the whole day and, really, what exactly can we do to celebrate the day with two young kids in tow?

Funny How Things Work Out!

The other day I was bumming. I went to see a new therapist, this time a psychologist. I explained to her my frustration with my son and how he wasn't listening to me. She suggested that he was bored and maybe if he spent some more time with boys his age he'd be a little more manageable. Problem is, I rarely have the energy to get him places where he can interact with boys his age. I've already joined a playgroup which will hopefully provide some of that for him and we're doing soccer but I really can't invest much more of my time and energy. Anyway, yesterday, he was out shopping with his Daddy and I was out for a walk with my daughter. When we came around the corner and started heading back to the house I heard laughter and saw some scampering in leaves going on. My neighbor had been outside with his 3-year-old son and, for the first time, the boys were both outside at the same time and took the opportunity to play with each other. My neighbor's son is about seven months younger but that didn't seem to matter. The two of them hit it right off. When my neighbor encouraged his son to go home so they could fix a snack for his older sister I actually suggested that his son stay a little longer and I'd watch them so they could keep playing. I was enjoying the interaction between them so much. They played about 15 minutes longer before we had to call an end to it. Unfortunately, my son was still a cheeky monkey that evening but at least we all had some fun. Anyway, I just find it really funny that we saw a need here and then, all of a sudden, a solution provided itself. My neighbor informed me that his son wasn't in preschool either and that he'd been looking for some kids his age to play with too. I like my neighbor so this may actually work out for us! Yay!

In other news, I made it to my neurologist appointment yesterday morning. After a very long wait in the waiting room I taken into her office for a discussion of my symptoms, when they showed up and we did a quick evaluation of my reactions to different things. Well, she didn't laugh me out of her office and she wants to do a bunch of tests including an MRI of my brain and lower spine and an EEG to monitor my brain waves. So, it remains to be seen if there's something going on here.

I am really eager to see the endocrinologist this week to see if my depression is due to low thyroid levels. It would be terrific if it was. A quick adjustment of my thyroid medication would set everything right and things could go back to normal.

Now, here's the weird thing about this depression I've been having - yes, I'm crying a lot and feeling pretty rotten but I'm also really eager to meet new people, try new things and I've had a libido like I haven't seen since my twenties. I laugh a lot when I'm not crying, honestly! So, it just seems like a weird kind of depression.

Well I'm off to a local festival (or two) this afternoon. I expect we'll get a lot of free stuff for my son from the fire department and perhaps I'll buy something fun for myself or the house.

Busy, busy, busy

The past few days have been super busy for me. On Sunday we drove up to Lewisburg, Pennsylvania so we could spend some time with my Mom and also visit the cemetery my Dad's buried in. We normally would've gone in August but my husband was traveling then. Anyway, although it rained most of the time it was still a good opportunity to see some leaves changing colors. I love this time of year. Sunday was very nice. We spent a lot of time with my Mom and I pigged out at this sinful restaurant called the Country Cupboard. I got the buffet and pigged out on dishes like prime rib, baked corn, mashed potatoes and cherry pie. Yes, I know I'm not supposed to be eating things like pie because of the gluten but I couldn't resist. After all, I haven't received an official diagnosis, I just think I might have celiac. Monday was a tad disappointing. After a rough night's sleep (my son had some night terrors), we reluctantly woke up around 8. We started getting the kids dressed and their breakfast ready. Just as my husband was going into the shower there was a knock on the door. My Mom had just had breakfast and decided to come over. I didn't mind since an extra pair of hands with two young kids is always appreciated. However, the surprise came when she told me she was going to get on the road soon. This was unexpected since I'd planned on all of us going to the cemetery together followed by lunch before we all hit the road. When she saw the look I gave her she explained that she always gets anxious the day she has to drive. I had a hard time understanding this because she always complains how she doesn't see the kids enough and that when she does we only spend a couple of hours with her. Now she has the opportunity to spend a few more hours with them and she's not taking it. I will never understand this woman. However, my issues with my Mom will be discussed another day. I got over the hurt and managed to enjoy the rest of the day, especially our yummy lunch at the Bullfrog Brewery in Williamsport. I love their garlic fries and root beer. I'm beginning to understand how I was able to put on five pounds in two days now!

On top of all this madness and gluttony, Rosh Hashanah began Monday night after we got home. My husband and I were exhausted and chose to just order Chinese delivery and the kids had leftover chicken and french fries. So, it wasn't the holiday feast we should've had. However, I made up for that last night. I roasted a whole chicken with an apple inside it and basted it with a yummy mixture of olive oil and honey. Yummy. I also baked sweet potatoes, cooked some rice and bok choy. For dessert we had a honey cake and my husband and I enjoyed a glass of Riesling, a nice sweet wine.

I figured all this wasn't bad cooking when I had to take food allergies into concern AND I'm not Jewish. My husband is and we agreed to raise the kids Jewish so I get to enjoy all the Jewish holidays in addition to the Christian I grew up with. How this all works will be discussed in another blog. Anyway, my husband really appreciated the dinner and I think I actually got some of the symbolism right with all the sweet treats. Oh, and we had apples dipped in honey for an afternoon snack earlier in the day.

This morning I got to enjoy some one-on-one time with my son. I took him to his first mommy and me pottery class at the local art studio. We made a pencil cup out of slab clay using slip to hold it all together. He got to use a stamp to make a pattern on the cup and then he sponge painted it blue. I think it will look really nice after it gets fired in the kiln. We'll be picking it up next week. It was so nice to have that time alone with him and to do something fun like that. One thing about having more than one child you never get to spend as much time with each child as you'd like.

So, that's what I've been up to. My husband's home this week so I'm hoping to relax a bit more over the next couple of days. I have an appointment with a new therapist tomorrow night. Hopefully, she'll be more helpful than the nut I was seeing. Then, I'm going to see a neurologist on Friday to see if my memory loss, difficulty concentrating, dizziness, balance issues and headaches are caused by something other than the chronic fatigue syndrome. I really do hope we find something fixable. I'm tired of being stuck with an illness that isn't curable.

$17 to Keep Two Kids Happy on a Rainy Day - Priceless

With some reluctance I packed my two kids into the Ford Freestyle and headed to an indoor play place this morning. My playgroup had decided to meet there today instead of the local park for our first get together. As you all know, motherhood does change you and you find yourself making incredible acts of self-sacrifice. However, one change I hadn't thought about was having to give up my antisocial behavior so that my kids would have a chance to make new friends. I'm perfectly happy to be a hermit in my house with some cats and piles of good books to read. However, once I had kids some part of my brain I never knew existed started urging me to get out and hang out with other moms so that my poor kids wouldn't be doomed to a friendless life. One problem: a lot of moms in my area are uber-wealthy. Sure, they may show up at the playground in jeans or sweats but they are expensive jeans and sweats with nary a hole in sight. They have manicures and pedicures and suspiciously smooth-looking legs. How do they get their hair that perfect in the morning? They seem to have the money and time to exercise unwanted pregnancy pounds away and they're constantly talking about this house renovation, addition or furniture purchase or some fantastic vacation they're planning. Um, I definitely don't blend.

The local Mom's club got started up again a couple of weeks ago with the end of summer. I had joined a couple years ago before I knew that they were a bunch of former cheerleaders with endless energy and enthusiasm for planning and activities. Although I didn't attend meetings very frequently I kept paying my dues because I really do enjoy taking the kids on an occasional field trip in the hopes that they can make some friends. Anyway, I tried joining a playgroup in the beginning before I found out what type of folks were in this club and quickly bowed out of the group once I discovered I really didn't fit in. When the e-mail went out in August talking about forming new playgroups I sent an e-mail out suggesting they form a kids with food allergies playgroup. Like I assumed, there wasn't any interest and, thus, no special playgroup. However, the unexpected did happen and I was placed in a playgroup. I wrote to all the women and explained my son's allergies requesting that all get-togethers be peanut-free. They were willing to go along with this so I figured I'd give it a shot. To my surprise, I actually liked the women I met today. They weren't pretentious or fake and I enjoyed the conversations we had. They also have cats and dogs so they've got to be good people, right? The kids had a blast playing on the climbing equipment, crawling in the ball pit (ewwww!!!) and riding on a mini-merry-go-round. So, I'm left wondering, did some normal women join the mom's club or did I change? Should I be unsettled if I'm the one who changed? I think I'm still the whack-a-do I always used to be. After all, how many other moms peeled out of the parking lot blasting Nirvana instead of Raffi? I'm still me (dammit)!

Yummy muffins!

I found this great recipe called simple muffins today.

I use vegweb.com all the time for recipes even though I'm not vegetarian anymore because they have great ideas for desserts free of my son's allergens (dairy, egg, soy and peanuts). Not only was this a very easy recipe to make it really tastes yummy. I'm not supposed to have wheat since I have an intolerance for it but I couldn't resist sampling just one! Anyway, here's the recipe as I made it:
1 1/2 cups flour
1 1/2 cups organic brown sugar (I used raw sugar)
1 tsp salt
2 tsp baking powder
3/4 cup water
1/4 canola oil
1/2 cup applesauce

Directions:
Preheat oven to 400 Fahrenheit
Now combine flour, sugar, salt and baking powder together in a mixing bowl.
Combine water, oil and applesauce and add to dry ingredients.
Place baking cups in a muffin pan (or use silicone muffin cups like I did on a cookie sheet) and bake for 25 to 30 minutes.
I had a yield of 12 muffins (picture only shows nine because we ate three before I took the shot!) but it really depends on how much you pour into each muffin cup.
These were extremely sweet and now my son is super hyper so I think next time I'll only use a cup of sugar.

My therapist is nuts

No really... after tonight's session I really have to wonder if this therapist I'm seeing is nuts. First, a quick background: I've been feeling out of sorts the past few months, crying at the drop of a hat, been discouraged, suffering from insomnia and wondering if I'll ever get healthy again. Finally, I decided enough was enough and started to check out therapists in the area. By checking out, I mean I e-mailed them and asked if they'd worked with patients that had CFS. One woman really stood out for me since she works with clients that have chronic illnesses and she used to be a nurse. I figured she'd understand what I was going through and be able to provide some useful tools. Tonight was our second session. I was telling her how rough last week had been for me with my husband gone and how I was so tired. I also talked about how hard it is to reconcile my current life with what I'd planned. She asked me what I thought was pretty obvious: "Do you think you might be feeling depressed?" DUH! I thought I'd mentioned that. I kept my calm though and stated that yes, I did think I was depressed and probably had been since my diagnosis over six years ago. So, she told me perhaps I should consider seeing a psychiatrist since they deal with mood and all. Um, why exactly am I seeing you?

Well, not being one to let an appointment go to waste I did inquire if she'd had a chance to get that list of neurologists for me. She had suggested at our first appointment that I see one since I've been suffering short-term memory loss, difficulty concentrating, headaches and issues with balance. I thought it couldn't hurt so I asked her for any recommendations. At this appointment she mumbled about some doctor's name and then picked up her cell phone to call her friend for a recommendation. Wasn't she supposed to do this before my appointment? Anyway, I have a recommendation in hand that I will call so this wasn't a complete loss.

I walked out of there feeling frustrated and negative. I don't know what her plan is for helping me out here and I don't know if she really gets me. I have to keep telling her my main illness is the chronic fatigue syndrome and not fibromyalgia. I made another appointment with her for a couple of weeks from now but I plan on getting an appointment with someone else in the meantime. If that person proves to be more helpful I'm no longer going to see this woman. I just don't see her as being very useful to me. I'm not sure what exactly I need but it's not what she's offering.

My day of "relaxation"

My husband returned home last night from his week-long conference in Phoenix. I was so happy (and relieved) that he was back and was really looking forward to taking it easy today. Well, true, I didn't get in the car and drive anywhere today but I did the following at home:
Got Allison dressed and fed her breakfast; did a couple loads of laundry; unloaded and loaded the dishwasher several times; fixed lunch for both kids; cleaned up cooking messes from my husband and me; booked hotel reservations for next week's trip; fed the cats and gave them fresh water; cleaned up the mess the dog left when she tried to eat another diaper; took Allison for a walk; prepared rice and veggies for supper (husband did cook the fish); gave Allison her bath and got her ready for bed. Oh, and I wasn't able to take any naps today.

I'm not feeling very relaxed.:-(

On top of this my son's eczema started seriously flaring up this afternoon/evening for the first time in over a week. I'm not sure if it's because my husband's home (could he be reacting to soap or shampoo my husband uses?), he touched something he shouldn't have at the grocery store, there was a lot of irritating pollen in the air or he's reacting to the fish we had at supper. That last option is least likely since he's had this fish in the past without any problems. Regardless, I'm not happy. My son is scratching and it's only a matter of time before he scratches himself enough that he bleeds. Then we have to worry about an infection developing on his skin. I'm so tired of fighting these battles and not knowing what causes them. I'm tired of having to use heavy-duty medications knowing that they're not solving the problem. I'm also tired of my poor little boy being miserable. He doesn't deserve this.

I'm a soccer mom!

Yep, today was the first day of soccer for my son (and me as a soccer mom). Well, check off one more thing on my list of things I never thought I'd be. I guess there are worse things to add to my life experiences and it did have its privileges. Such as sitting on the grass on a lovely fall morning and not stressing about anything. In addition, one of the coaches is totally hot (check him out in the picture). Oh, and he has a gorgeous Latin accent. Swoon. Six more weeks of looking at Mr. Cutie! Perhaps my husband has been gone too long. Anyway, I don't think I'll be missing any sessions but I'll have to be sure to keep tongue and drool in check when my hubby is with us.

Oh, and my son had a blast today. He paid attention for about the first twenty minutes and then seemed to drift off onto his own agenda. Big lessons we have to work on this week (my agenda not the coaches') is to teach my son how to play duck duck goose. He didn't understand that he wasn't supposed to get up and run around the circle with the tagger and the goose. Very amusing. Unfortunately, I'm afraid this is yet another case where people will think my son is a tad dim. He's 3 1/2 but he looks much older due to his size.

I did get a kick out of one thing when I was able to tear my eyes away from Mr. Hottie. I noticed that a lot of the kids had cleats and shin guards on. Note that this class is for kids in the three-six year range. I don't think they're going to teach them any rough and tumble moves that would require this kind of equipment. You did note how they were playing duck, duck goose? Also, given how fast kids grow at this age, who wants to put that kind of money into equipment? Maybe if we discover that our son is totally in love with playing soccer and that this isn't just a passing whim of his we might invest in some used equipment. But I'm guessing these folks didn't have anything but the newest and greatest on their kids. I really am the poor kid on the block in my town.

Also, I'd like to take this time to note that I'm only going to post photos of my kids here if their faces aren't showing. I've grown too paranoid about nasty folks on the Internet to risk having my kids exploited. I know my friends and loyal followers will understand. Trust me, I love to show off my cuties but I don't want to take the risk.

Fun down on the farm and a peanut scare

Last night I resorted to a bribe with my son. I told him if he slept through the night I would take him and his sister to the local farm and nature center. Well, he surprised me and actually slept through the night so I had no choice, despite my fatigue, to take them to the farm. For $14 we got to look at some cows, pigs, small horses, ducks, chickens (and their chicks!), rabbits, deer and an emu. They also had some exhibits in buildings which held my son's interest for all of five minutes before he was insisting on using the outdoor play equipment. He didn't want to play on the cool wooden boat, the train or the tractor. Nope, he wanted to dig in the sandbox and ride around in a cozy coupe car - the same thing we have at home! Oh well, it was a nice day, the sun was shining, birds were singing so I figured I'd just sit back and relax on a park bench when... my super-sensitive hearing picked up an evil question being uttered in the play area behind us: "Anyone want their peanut butter crackers?" ACK!!!

Yes, I know that sounds like an innocent enough question and for most people the sun would have continued to shine, the birds would've kept singing, blah, blah, blah. However, as a mother with a child that has food allergies including peanuts, I went on red alert. I tried to calm myself by noting that they were playing on a different section of the playground and nowhere near us. However, to my horror, tottering around the corner and making a beeline right for my son was a tipsy toddler clutching her peanut butter cracker in her pudgy little fist. She was smiling at my son and ready to move in for the hug that little girls seem inclined to bestow upon my handsome little guy. The mother must have thought I was a nutcase because I quickly swept up my own toddler and suggested in a loud voice to my son that we move to the inside play equipment. Luckily, he was amenable and we managed to avoid getting crushed peanut butter cracker smeared on him.

Now don't think that I'm one of those people who think that peanuts should be wiped off the face of the planet (although that would make my life easier). However, I do wish that people would limit snacks to the areas designated for eating food (i.e., picnic tables). I also wish people would wipe or wash their kids hands after eating. So,when they do go on the play equipment, there wouldn't be the risk of peanut or other allergen proteins getting on the swings or toys. Despite my vigilance, I noticed when we got home that my son did have some hives forming on his face. Luckily, they went away. I can only assume that the stuff he was playing with inside got some kind of allergen on it and he came in contact with it.

Despite the scare I think we all had fun and I'm really glad we were able to go. I just think next time I'll bring the Epipen along with us.

Getting Started

My first day as a blogger... yay! I should probably write something profound and catchy so that I can develop a group of followers who will hang on my every word, eagerly awaiting my next post. However, as usual, I'm too sleepy to think of anything like that. And, let's be honest, what percentage of blogs out there meet that criteria? I'm guessing not that many.

So, this is day five of my week from hell. My husband left us on Sunday afternoon for some work-related conference in Phoenix. Until he gets back on Saturday night, I'm here with my two kids (one is 3 1/2 and the other is 17 months old), four cats, a dog, two tanks of freshwater fish and not a shred of sanity left. I haven't really slept at all this week. My amazing, vibrating dog had a seizure early Monday morning and the rest of the nights I've had to cater to my son's night time needs - sitting potty, drinks of water and soothing night terrors. I battle insomnia as it is. Getting up in the middle of the night means I fall asleep again a couple of hours later after whatever crisis has been dealt with. It didn't help that last night my son was screaming at me that my breath was stinky. Gee, I should've thought to pop a breath mint during my sprint down the hall. Silly me.

Anyway, due to this lack of sleep I've been on the verge of tears at any given moment and my patience is nonexistent. The kids wonder where the nice mommy went to and when she'll be coming back. Coffee is my only friend. The cats are contributing to the madness by not using the litterbox and the dog is dog is redecorating the kitchen with goodies she finds in the garbage can. Yet, I love these animals and won't give them up even though my son and I are allergic to them. I must be crazy.

So, my big question for today is where did the strong, independent woman of my twenties go to? When did I become so needy and dependent on my husband? It seemed like once upon a time I could handle just about any crisis. I was going to take on the world. I was the one friends and family turned to for support. Now I'm the one who needs the help and feel like I can't function without my husband here to help out. I know that a large part of this is due to my having chronic fatigue syndrome, leaving me with an extremely low supply of energy but it's still hard to accept that. This is not where I expected to find myself at 36.