I got kind of wacky this week. I thought I found a lump which wasn't a lump and managed to lower my blood pressure from the astronomical level of 112/68 (I am being sarcastic, my blood pressure, on average, is ridiculously low) after I was seen by a nurse practitioner and told to stop worrying. I won't go into details about the lump and it's location since it's kind of embarrassing and the one person who reads this blog already knows where it was. Anyhow... before I knew that it wasn't anything to worry about I kind of had one of those moments where I thought "wow, if this is the end, what memories are my kids going to have of me, crazy, yelling-at-them mom, or fun mom who took them to new places and had lots to teach them with love?" So, I decided to be more understanding, to spend more time with them rather than the computer (that should've been obvious regardless of my health, shame on me), that we should schedule in outdoor time every day and to focus more on the positive than the negative. So, before I saw my nurse practitioner I took them for a long walk and we picked up different colored leaves and a rock that caught my son's eye. Normally, I would've told him not to take a rock from a neighbor's stone driveway 'cause if every kid took one then there wouldn't be much of a driveway left. Anyway, we listened to the birds singing and talked about all the things we were seeing. Then, that afternoon while my daughter was napping, I sat down at the kitchen table with my son and we created leaf pressings with some waxed paper and an iron. Then, I used my heart-shaped hole punch so we could thread some string through there and hang it in the window. Of course, then my son wanted to use the hole punch himself. New mommy said "OK" and gave him a magazine from recycling to mangle. I ignored the dozen paper hearts that were littering the floor as he punched away. After my husband got home, I nervously kissed my son goodbye and told him I loved him as I drove to my appointment.
Well, to make a long story short, nothing was wrong. I should defend myself here since I may sound a tad dramatic but even my husband was concerned about my discovery and urged me to get it checked out. He didn't say anything but he must have been worried since he emptied and loaded the dishwasher before he went to work. That never happens so I took it as a little sign that he was worried.
I got home from my ordeal, looked at the kids and my husband and decided that even though this turned out to be nothing, maybe I should learn from this whole thing. Would you call this an epiphany? Maybe I should treat each day like maybe it's the most important one and that it would be what my kids and husband remembered of me. Yup, getting corny. Obviously, I'm not going to be able to take my kids somewhere new and exciting every day but I can do simple things with them that lets them know I care. I'm going to try to make sure that the experiences aren't limited to just going to the grocery store or Target. I swear that my son thinks that going to the grocery store is the height of excitement sometimes. There really has to be more to life.
Today we went to our town's Main Street where there were about 50 scarecrows on display. Our town does a scarecrow contest each October and people really get creative with their themes. The kids loved it and I just enjoyed being outside on a warm, sunny October day. We passed by a park and there were tons of leaves on the ground and really annoying ducks. My son was eager to scuffle through the leaves and my daughter was beside herself about the ducks. "Quack, quack," she demanded imperiously. I was getting towards the end of my limits in terms of energy and desire to be there but I gave in and let my kids have a blast for ten minutes. It was so great to see the joy in their faces over such simple stuff. I really find that I find the greatest happiness in seeing my kids laughing and smiling. I really do need to lighten up more. Granted, I totally passed out this afternoon at nap time, something I rarely do, so I may need to budget my energy a little more carefully. However, today the extra effort was worth it.
Nothing exciting is planned for tomorrow other than shopping for new sneakers for my son. The ones he has are literally falling apart and I don't want him to go to Saturday's soccer practice wearing them. It's supposed to get a lot cooler but I think we'll still try to get outside for awhile even if it's just to the backyard (gotta scoop the dog's poop up first). We'll see how this goes.
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