The vet called me back this afternoon (after two phone calls placed to the office by me - no I wasn't worried. LOL!) with Ralphie's test results. Believe it or not, my little booger boy had completely normal test results. No elevated white blood cells, no low red blood cell, liver function is fine, etc. The vet was amazed because she expected at least to see some liver issues due to the high dose of steroids my kitty is on. Nope, he's able to take it without any problems. Since the vet appointment, his appetite seems to have improved and he's drinking water. He's still kind of lethargic but not in a way that worries me. So, here's what I'm wondering... did he know that Molly (our dog) was put to sleep on Saturday and somehow he was bothered by it. He and Molly haven't seen each other in a year since the cats have been isolated in one room. So, how would Ralphie know?
Anyway, I'm very relieved and hope to have this cat around for many years to come. Okay, I know he's going to be 13 in May so not too many years but I'll take what I can get.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Dammit! Life just isn't fair!
This is Ralphie. I adopted him from a shelter in November 1997 and he's been my baby ever since. Tonight I took him to the vet for a routine prednisone shot (he has a tumor on his mouth that's been kept in check for over a year with these shots) and I mentioned to the vet that he hadn't had much appetite for the past couple of days and he threw up his water this afternoon. He also had very dry skin. The vet fears that the steroid shots have caught up to him and it might be affecting his kidneys. So, I shelled out over $200 (money we don't have) for some blood tests tonight, fluids and Pepcid AC for the cat. The tests will tell us tomorrow or Wednesday whether Ralphie is suffering from something serious or just having a few bad days. Keeping fingers crossed. I really couldn't bear to lose him. I know he's almost thirteen years old and has been fighting cancer for the majority of those years but I still want to keep hoping. He makes me smile even on my crappiest days and I love what a snugglebug he is.
In addition, I'm still raw from the loss of Molly. My daughter has been crying during the day over her too. Rough times.
Oh, and it doesn't help that I'm sporting a fever (100.9, swollen glands and achy joints this evening. So, if this post seems scattered you know why. Really, haven't I been sick enough this year? I think this is my third illness since the beginning of January and I know I'd had a few other colds/flu in the months before that. What is up with my immune system? I feel that if we could get to the bottom of that it would answer a lot of questions, especially what the hell is wrong with me that I'm so tired all the time!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Rest in Peace Molly
This post is going to be very difficult for me to write. Despite the love/hate relationship I had with our dog I am very sad at her passing. Molly has never had an easy life in terms of illnesses. Shortly after we adopted her in 2000 she had her first seizure. It took us almost a year but we got them mostly under control with medication.
We should have known when they started up again last summer that something else was wrong but we just blamed it on our not being strict enough with adhering to her medication schedule - a missed dose occurred here and there. So, on the advice of the vet, we increased one of the anti-seizure medications and added some gabapentin to the mix. Seizures were reduced and all seemed well. However, Molly was getting more gray and white in her fur and didn't seem to have the same joy in activities like she used to.
In November her back legs started giving out on her and by the middle of December we were prepared to have her put to sleep. However, the vet gave us some new medications including a very high dose of prednisone to help her last just a little bit longer. Although she didn't get her former agility back, Molly did regain a spring in her step and regained a lot of her lost mobility. So, she continued to fight for her life. A few weeks ago, my husband was going to refill her medication for prednisone again and realized that this might be a sign that we should visit the vet. We'd been on the last ditch medication for several weeks. We knew that it was probably causing damage to her liver and stomach and we wondered how much longer we could keep this going. At the office, the vet examined Molly and noticed the droop in her lip, and the loss of sight and hearing on one side. That, combined with her walking tilt to the one side and her difficulty with the back legs led the vet to presume a brain tumor. To get an official diagnosis Molly would need an MRI but we just couldn't afford to spend $3000 for a full battery of tests. We did spend a few hundred on the blood tests. Molly's liver levels were abysmal so we put her on some herbals. The vet told us maybe Molly had a month or two.
Last night, Molly started throwing up her supper. Along with the food we found traces of mucus and blood. This was a possible sign that the prednisone was really affecting her stomach. Molly threw up throughout the night and could barely move. When I saw her this morning I knew that the end was here. She was just lying on the floor, she felt very cool to me and she couldn't do more than lift her head to greet me. Any water she had just came back up again. Doug made the call to the vet at 9 a.m. and an appointment was made for 11:30. We knew that Molly would most likely not be coming home from this vet visit. So, we tried explaining to the kids what was going on and had them say goodbye. It didn't help to hear Allison telling Molly that she was her best friend.
As the time to leave approached Doug grabbed Molly's chain collar and removed her pink heart collar. Usually this activity would get Molly all excited and she would find the energy and strength within her to jump up and run for the door. Today, she just laid her head back on her paws. We knew that we were doing the right thing in making this final appointment at the vet but it was still hard. Doug carried her out to the car and laid her on the back seat and drove away. He came home and told me she was gone. He then proceeded to remove all of Molly's belongings from the house and took them out to the garbage can. Seeing all of her toys and bedding was just too painful.
The kids who are 5 and almost 3 years old are having a hard time understanding this all. They keep asking us where Molly is. The last time Joshua asked I explained again that she was dead and wouldn't be coming back. He pronounced "now we'd better get a new dog." I'm afraid that I won't be ready for that for a long time.
I don't think that anyone else on this Earth has ever caused as much stress and anger for me as that dog did. So many things of mine were chewed up and destroyed. So many meals were stolen off the counters and cleaning up after she knocked down a garbage can was just irritating. However, we had some good times too. I remember the walks we used to take in the woods of West Orange. Sometimes we'd come upon a flock of deer together or some wild turkey. We both took great joy in running down the trails together and jumping over fallen logs. We were fine as long as there wasn't another person or dog in the area because then she'd nearly rip my arm out of the socket trying to hold her leash as she lunged with joy towards them. Who could forget the time when Chinese food was delivered to the house and she got past us out the door and into the street. As she raced back she pushed the delivery man aside and jumped into his car. I've never seen anyone as frightened as that man was. However, Molly meant all of it in fun. She lived to give kisses and to greet every person with enthusiasm and joy. I will miss hearing her paws running across the floor, tail wagging vigorously whenever I came home from an outing. Even if I was just out to get the mail at the end of the driveway, she greeted me as if I'd been away for days.
I never was a fan of her kisses because they were usually scented with dog poop but I really wish I could have one of those stinky kisses right about now. I cried in her fur so many times over the years and she bore it all patiently. I miss her faithfulness and love despite the number of times I yelled at her or corrected her with the chain collar. As an unknown author said: "My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am."
Rest in peace Molly and know that you won't be forgotten.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Angry Mama Cat!
Yep, I'm angry, not sleepy, mama cat this week. Last Friday my son's preschool had its Valentine's Day party. I get anxious about these sort of things anyway because I know there's a ton of food, candy and chaos which is not a good mix when someone there has multiple food allergies like my son. However, to add to the anxiety, I found out that the teacher was going to be away that day to help her daughter out with her new baby. I'm not blaming her in any way for not being at school that day. However, it made a bad situation worse because the person in charge, the teacher's assistant is not that educated about food allergies. In addition, the substitute was completely new, not the usual one there, and she had no clue about my son's allergies. Obviously, I left the classroom that day feeling very concerned but didn't feel right dragging my son out of there either.
When I picked him up later that morning I felt some relief as the teacher's assistant handed me a Ziploc bag full of candy and valentines. She only put the candy-free valentines in his box so I could separate the candy at home before Joshua would be exposed to it. On the car ride home I talked to my son about the party and asked about food consumed, etc. He assured me that he only ate the cupcake and candy I had packed for him. So, I felt some of my anxiety melting away and started thinking about the weekend.
Later that afternoon, I found him in the family room with his pant legs hoisted up as he was scratching his red, bumpy, inflamed legs. His skin had been perfectly clear that a.m. so I knew that this was a new reaction. Again I interrogated him about what he'd eaten at the party that day and, again, he assured me he hadn't eaten anything he shouldn't have. I chalked it all up to poor hand-washing practices at the school. The other kids must have eaten something with allergens, not washed their hands and then spread it all over the toys and surfaces before my son played with them.
He continued to suffer through the weekend, constantly scratching. Yesterday morning he presented my husband and I with a homemade valentine and a gift bag - something he made in school. It had a cute little poem on the outside that the teachers had printed up and inside were some red hearts he had cut out and kissed for us. In addition, there were three Hershey's Kisses. Cue up the anxious music here. I asked who had put the chocolate in there. He told me he did. I asked when, he told me Friday. Mystery solved. As everyone who's ever opened a bag of Hershey Kisses before knows, there's always at least one candy unwrapped from the foil. Therefore, any wrapped candies are likely to get small traces of chocolate on them. This chocolate has dairy in it as well as soy. In addition, there's the possibility of cross-contamination with the Kisses that have peanut butter in them. Obviously, my son has never had any such thing. Here's what I picture happened. My son handled the candies and maybe got some trace ingredients on his fingers. Then (gross out factor coming up), since he has a cold, he probably swiped the mucus running out of his nose and popped that finger in his mouth. All of this would happen in a matter of seconds as he's learned to move faster with his finger than a mommy can get to a tissue.
School was closed today and I was unable to discuss this all with the director. However, it seems to me that it should be common sense that a boy with all of his allergies should not be handling any such product. It wouldn't have been so hard for the teacher to put those Kisses in herself and wouldn't have affected the gift one bit. I kept the red hearts he kissed for me but I did throw those Kisses right in the garbage. I know that his life is going to be filled with battles like these unless he outgrows his allergies. However, it just makes me feel very sad that we have to worry about every little detail like this. I hope that kindergarten is better next year when the public school by law will have to accommodate his needs. I'm not by any means suggesting that the candy shouldn't have been in the classroom. However, he should not have been touching it.
In other news, we have his first appointment with an occupational therapist tomorrow to evaluate his fine motor skills. I'll let you know how that goes.
As for me, I experienced some nice weight loss last week and reached the goal I had set for myself for the beginning of March. I attribute that to decreased calorie intake (I average about 1550 a day now as opposed to the 1750 at the start of this diet) and increased physical activity. However, I'm not sure if this number is going to hold as I really overindulged on Sunday when we went to a Thai restaurant. I ate half a duck. Yep, you read that right. Half a duck - at least 1000 calories and that doesn't include the coconut milk-based soup I had before that. At home, I had a nice glass of mead while my husband and I watched a movie. I'm back on track today so, hopefully, I won't see too much of a weight gain this week.
When I picked him up later that morning I felt some relief as the teacher's assistant handed me a Ziploc bag full of candy and valentines. She only put the candy-free valentines in his box so I could separate the candy at home before Joshua would be exposed to it. On the car ride home I talked to my son about the party and asked about food consumed, etc. He assured me that he only ate the cupcake and candy I had packed for him. So, I felt some of my anxiety melting away and started thinking about the weekend.
Later that afternoon, I found him in the family room with his pant legs hoisted up as he was scratching his red, bumpy, inflamed legs. His skin had been perfectly clear that a.m. so I knew that this was a new reaction. Again I interrogated him about what he'd eaten at the party that day and, again, he assured me he hadn't eaten anything he shouldn't have. I chalked it all up to poor hand-washing practices at the school. The other kids must have eaten something with allergens, not washed their hands and then spread it all over the toys and surfaces before my son played with them.
He continued to suffer through the weekend, constantly scratching. Yesterday morning he presented my husband and I with a homemade valentine and a gift bag - something he made in school. It had a cute little poem on the outside that the teachers had printed up and inside were some red hearts he had cut out and kissed for us. In addition, there were three Hershey's Kisses. Cue up the anxious music here. I asked who had put the chocolate in there. He told me he did. I asked when, he told me Friday. Mystery solved. As everyone who's ever opened a bag of Hershey Kisses before knows, there's always at least one candy unwrapped from the foil. Therefore, any wrapped candies are likely to get small traces of chocolate on them. This chocolate has dairy in it as well as soy. In addition, there's the possibility of cross-contamination with the Kisses that have peanut butter in them. Obviously, my son has never had any such thing. Here's what I picture happened. My son handled the candies and maybe got some trace ingredients on his fingers. Then (gross out factor coming up), since he has a cold, he probably swiped the mucus running out of his nose and popped that finger in his mouth. All of this would happen in a matter of seconds as he's learned to move faster with his finger than a mommy can get to a tissue.
School was closed today and I was unable to discuss this all with the director. However, it seems to me that it should be common sense that a boy with all of his allergies should not be handling any such product. It wouldn't have been so hard for the teacher to put those Kisses in herself and wouldn't have affected the gift one bit. I kept the red hearts he kissed for me but I did throw those Kisses right in the garbage. I know that his life is going to be filled with battles like these unless he outgrows his allergies. However, it just makes me feel very sad that we have to worry about every little detail like this. I hope that kindergarten is better next year when the public school by law will have to accommodate his needs. I'm not by any means suggesting that the candy shouldn't have been in the classroom. However, he should not have been touching it.
In other news, we have his first appointment with an occupational therapist tomorrow to evaluate his fine motor skills. I'll let you know how that goes.
As for me, I experienced some nice weight loss last week and reached the goal I had set for myself for the beginning of March. I attribute that to decreased calorie intake (I average about 1550 a day now as opposed to the 1750 at the start of this diet) and increased physical activity. However, I'm not sure if this number is going to hold as I really overindulged on Sunday when we went to a Thai restaurant. I ate half a duck. Yep, you read that right. Half a duck - at least 1000 calories and that doesn't include the coconut milk-based soup I had before that. At home, I had a nice glass of mead while my husband and I watched a movie. I'm back on track today so, hopefully, I won't see too much of a weight gain this week.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A Better Week!
Update! I have started to lose weight again despite pigging out on tortilla chips during the Super Bowl. Yes, I know that tortilla chips aren't in keeping with the paleo diet but it was a craving I just couldn't resist. Hopefully, I got it out of my system and I won't slide again (at least for awhile!). So, as of today, I have lost 10.5 pounds since the beginning of January and my clothes are definitely fitting better. Hooray! I am hopeful that I will meet my goal by the end of the month - only one more pound to go. Then, I will set my next goal of ten more pounds by June 1. Then, I will be back to the weight I was before I got married.
But getting back to the Super Bowl... I may be a cranky old lady but did some of the Super Bowl ads bother anyone else? It was hard to find an ad that didn't feature a woman scantily clad and for no good reason. Take for example, monster.com's ad of the beaver violinist. At the end of the ad it shows him reclining in a hot tub with a bikin-clad woman. Okay, I know that they're stretching reality with a violin-playing beaver to begin with but why would he be attracted to a human? The ad was really funny and eye-catching on its own without them throwing that in.
Then, the ad for Bridgestone tires has a man placing more value on his tires than his wife who is wearing some kind of tight black latex top. The Bud Light ads weren't exactly enlightened either in terms of their portrayal of women but that wasn't a big surprise as it was a beer commercial.
Dockers and Dodge both played on fears of male emasculation. Um, I really liked that car for myself by the way. Maybe they should've thought of viewers like me when they created that ad.
I know that the Super Bowl is supposed to be all about being macho but there are women viewers. According to marketingprofs.com in an article by Gary Myers:
My son has his five-year checkup with the doctor this morning. I have a lot to discuss with the pediatrician so I'm hoping I can keep alert. I had a hard time sleeping last night because of all the congestion from this cold. I am so ready for winter to be over!
But getting back to the Super Bowl... I may be a cranky old lady but did some of the Super Bowl ads bother anyone else? It was hard to find an ad that didn't feature a woman scantily clad and for no good reason. Take for example, monster.com's ad of the beaver violinist. At the end of the ad it shows him reclining in a hot tub with a bikin-clad woman. Okay, I know that they're stretching reality with a violin-playing beaver to begin with but why would he be attracted to a human? The ad was really funny and eye-catching on its own without them throwing that in.
Then, the ad for Bridgestone tires has a man placing more value on his tires than his wife who is wearing some kind of tight black latex top. The Bud Light ads weren't exactly enlightened either in terms of their portrayal of women but that wasn't a big surprise as it was a beer commercial.
Dockers and Dodge both played on fears of male emasculation. Um, I really liked that car for myself by the way. Maybe they should've thought of viewers like me when they created that ad.
I know that the Super Bowl is supposed to be all about being macho but there are women viewers. According to marketingprofs.com in an article by Gary Myers:
- Who watches the Super Bowl? Approximately 100 million viewers, with more than 40 percent of them women.
- Who spends the most money as a consumer? Women spend approximately 85 percent; men spend only 15 percent.
- Who focuses more on the game—and who on the commercials? Though many women love football, and a lot of men enjoy seeing the new commercials, women focus more on the commercials... and men more on the game.
My son has his five-year checkup with the doctor this morning. I have a lot to discuss with the pediatrician so I'm hoping I can keep alert. I had a hard time sleeping last night because of all the congestion from this cold. I am so ready for winter to be over!
Friday, February 5, 2010
One heck of a craptastic week.
Warning - this is going to be one downer of a post. Do not expect any positive thinking, uplifting or inspiring messages. I've had a bad week for so many reasons and rather then let it stew inside any longer I'm just going to let it out here. You've been warned, proceed further at your own peril.
Gripe #1 - I am watching my calories closer than Kate Moss ever did and I upped my exercise intensity and duration this week yet I didn't lose any more weight. In fact, I gained a pound! Arghh!!! Oh sure, I could be converting fat to muscle or something like that but it's still frustrating. Grrr.
Gripe #2 - I'm coming down with another cold. Yes, another one. I had a cold at the beginning of January and now one at the beginning of February. I'm not even going to list how many colds I had last fall, in addition to the flu. I had hoped that my healthier eating and exercising would boost my immune system and help me fight off those germs. However, since my son is walking around the house blowing his nose sans tissue I suppose I didn't have much of a chance.
Gripe #3 - My husband is no longer sympathetic/empathetic to my gripes. I must have gone on and on about how crappy I felt this a.m. and my husband, as he was leaving for work, told me to have a nice day. Grrrr. That is so not the right thing to say to me! Of course, that lead to me having an argument/discussion with him in front of the kids and basically called him evil incarnate. Okay, not that bad but I came close. Now he's pretty ticked at me and it's only one week until Valentine's Day.
Gripe #4 - I can't get a babysitter for either next Saturday or Sunday (Valentine's Day). Thus, we will be spending another romantic holiday at home with the kids.
Okay, this next part is not really a gripe. However, I know it's contributing to my black mood so I suppose I should add it here. A friend of mine from high school died of lung cancer last Saturday. I have a number of tough emotions regarding this friend. Over the years, he made me so angry, sad, disappointed, etc. But he also made me laugh and feel pretty good about myself. During high school he and I read the same stupid fantasy adventure books and created some stories of our own. Our form of exchanging notes was to write another part of the story. Yep, it was pretty dorky stuff but it was nice having someone to express my creative side with and not be judged harshly for it. He was my first boyfriend and my first kiss, a lot of other firsts too but not the big first. I craved his attention and always wanted him to see me as the prettiest and would often be devastated when he chose to date someone else. After high school I moved past that and just enjoyed his company and the occasional kiss when we hung out together. At some point, even that changed when we finally grew up and found the real loves of our lives. However, we still stayed friends for awhile and kept in touch. I was devastated when I wasn't invited to his wedding and actually cried a lot of tears over it. However, now I understand why his wife wouldn't want me there. I wouldn't have wanted any of my husband's old girlfriends at our wedding either even if the relationship had developed to just friends.
We lost touch over the years and then reconnected on Facebook over the past year. As I learned of his fight with lung cancer I felt heartbroken yet there was still this distance between us. I read the updates from his wife on his treatments and the highs and lows of the struggle. Despite this it was still a shock to me to learn of his death last weekend. I couldn't make it to the funeral due to the difficulties and expense of travel. So, instead, I read his old yearbook entries to me and looked at the pictures posted on the memorial page. I e-mailed his brother a couple of times and had a Woodchuck Cider in honor of him this week. I guess I'm just confused on how to deal with this. I'm sad but it's also like that sadness is not really 100% there due to the fact we had lost contact with one another for so long and due to the fact that I had a lot of repressed anger at his cavalier treatment of me at times. Regardless, I have found myself crying here and there and I do plan on attending the memorial service this summer in my hometown. I will travel for that.
Another blow came this week when I heard an acquaintance from college had died from an aneurysm. We were friendly but not friends and we didn't stay in touch after graduation. However, the loss of someone else my age and from my past is just a bit much. I guess it's making me feel old and to face the fact that I'm going to die someday too. Maybe not soon but someday. And that is not a happy thought.
Gripe #1 - I am watching my calories closer than Kate Moss ever did and I upped my exercise intensity and duration this week yet I didn't lose any more weight. In fact, I gained a pound! Arghh!!! Oh sure, I could be converting fat to muscle or something like that but it's still frustrating. Grrr.
Gripe #2 - I'm coming down with another cold. Yes, another one. I had a cold at the beginning of January and now one at the beginning of February. I'm not even going to list how many colds I had last fall, in addition to the flu. I had hoped that my healthier eating and exercising would boost my immune system and help me fight off those germs. However, since my son is walking around the house blowing his nose sans tissue I suppose I didn't have much of a chance.
Gripe #3 - My husband is no longer sympathetic/empathetic to my gripes. I must have gone on and on about how crappy I felt this a.m. and my husband, as he was leaving for work, told me to have a nice day. Grrrr. That is so not the right thing to say to me! Of course, that lead to me having an argument/discussion with him in front of the kids and basically called him evil incarnate. Okay, not that bad but I came close. Now he's pretty ticked at me and it's only one week until Valentine's Day.
Gripe #4 - I can't get a babysitter for either next Saturday or Sunday (Valentine's Day). Thus, we will be spending another romantic holiday at home with the kids.
Okay, this next part is not really a gripe. However, I know it's contributing to my black mood so I suppose I should add it here. A friend of mine from high school died of lung cancer last Saturday. I have a number of tough emotions regarding this friend. Over the years, he made me so angry, sad, disappointed, etc. But he also made me laugh and feel pretty good about myself. During high school he and I read the same stupid fantasy adventure books and created some stories of our own. Our form of exchanging notes was to write another part of the story. Yep, it was pretty dorky stuff but it was nice having someone to express my creative side with and not be judged harshly for it. He was my first boyfriend and my first kiss, a lot of other firsts too but not the big first. I craved his attention and always wanted him to see me as the prettiest and would often be devastated when he chose to date someone else. After high school I moved past that and just enjoyed his company and the occasional kiss when we hung out together. At some point, even that changed when we finally grew up and found the real loves of our lives. However, we still stayed friends for awhile and kept in touch. I was devastated when I wasn't invited to his wedding and actually cried a lot of tears over it. However, now I understand why his wife wouldn't want me there. I wouldn't have wanted any of my husband's old girlfriends at our wedding either even if the relationship had developed to just friends.
We lost touch over the years and then reconnected on Facebook over the past year. As I learned of his fight with lung cancer I felt heartbroken yet there was still this distance between us. I read the updates from his wife on his treatments and the highs and lows of the struggle. Despite this it was still a shock to me to learn of his death last weekend. I couldn't make it to the funeral due to the difficulties and expense of travel. So, instead, I read his old yearbook entries to me and looked at the pictures posted on the memorial page. I e-mailed his brother a couple of times and had a Woodchuck Cider in honor of him this week. I guess I'm just confused on how to deal with this. I'm sad but it's also like that sadness is not really 100% there due to the fact we had lost contact with one another for so long and due to the fact that I had a lot of repressed anger at his cavalier treatment of me at times. Regardless, I have found myself crying here and there and I do plan on attending the memorial service this summer in my hometown. I will travel for that.
Another blow came this week when I heard an acquaintance from college had died from an aneurysm. We were friendly but not friends and we didn't stay in touch after graduation. However, the loss of someone else my age and from my past is just a bit much. I guess it's making me feel old and to face the fact that I'm going to die someday too. Maybe not soon but someday. And that is not a happy thought.
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