Mommy, What's A Cross?

We were eating lunch together when my son decided to spring the question "Mommy, what's a cross?" I had a bad feeling that I knew what he was asking and where this was leading but I chose to pretend innocence and ask if he meant "like something is across the road?" "No, Mommy, I mean a cross." "Well" I asked, "where did you come across this word?" "In the book at preschool." When pressed further he identified the name of the book as "The Story of Jesus." Oh, THAT book.

I happily married my husband agreeing that we would raise our children Jewish. I am Christian (kind of a Lutheran/Methodist mutt) but am not as strong in my faith and beliefs as my husband is. So, I figured, we share the same values and both believe in God how hard can it be? Well, we never discussed how exactly we were going to discuss Christianity in our house if it came up. We just wanted to emphasize Judaism and make sure that it was clear that it was the religion our kids practiced. This worked just fine until Joshua started preschool this past year. He remained fairly ignorant of even the whole Santa bit until this last Christmas. Now he has questions and I'm left squirming on my own.

I took the approach I do with all difficult questions of his. I answer him honestly but simply. I figure if he has further questions we'll take it from there. So, I told him that a cross was a symbol of the Christian religion, like the star of David is a Jewish symbol. Well that wasn't enough. He wanted to know why Jesus was on the cross. Oh boy, getting into deeper waters here. I tried explaining the crucifixion bit without getting into too many details but then he wanted to know about the resurrection and whether God was dead.

I did my best and he seemed satisfied but I don't know how much I'm up for this. By the way, I chose to explain that although Christians believe in the resurrection and all that, to other religions it's just a story and that Jesus is seen as a really good man but not like Christians see him. I also told him that Jesus is very important to Christians and his teachings are what our whole religion is based on. I also told him that God can't die since God has been here and always will be. While I'm explaining this I'm trying to makes sure I'm not selling him on Christianity. I don't want to anger Doug because I totally support him in keeping the kids focus on Judaism. I think that it would confuse them if we tried to balance the two beliefs in the house. Obviously, when they're older they have the option of choosing their own beliefs and religion but right now it's important to give them a consistent structure from both parents.

So, here's the problem. I'm pretty shaky in my own faith these days. I guess it started when I took an ancient philosophy course in graduate school I started questioning all the bible stories and how much of it was true. Then, when my Dad died I just got mad at the church and the way the pastor was handling the service. I still pray to God and I do believe in God, however, that's kind of the extent of my faith. I don't believe that Christianity is the only true and right religion. I don't believe that people who aren't Christians, or the "right" denomination of Christianity are going to hell. Since I'm not exactly a model Christian how can I explain to my son why I'm still a Christian and not Jewish like him, his sister and Daddy? However, I also don't want to convert to Judaism. I'm still enough of a believer that I consider myself to be Christian and can't imagine being anything else.

I think I need to really figure out what exactly it is that I believe. Maybe then I would be less uncomfortable having these discussions with my son. So, how does one go about finding out what their own truth is? Do I reread the bible? Start attending church again? Stare at my belly button? Advice needed please.

Pizza and french fries

What a great day today. The weather was gorgeous - 70s, sunny and full of the promise that spring always holds. We'll save the gripe about pollen for later.

My daughter filled up all thirty squares on her potty training chart (finally) this week so she got her reward today. She had picked this out months ago. She wanted to go to a restaurant and eat pizza and french fries. Until today, she'd only had pizza once in her life when Doug made it for her when Joshua and I were out. She's had french fries when Doug made them at home or when I let her nibble some of mine at a restaurant. So, this was a big deal for her. A big pile of fries with ketchup and the biggest slice of pizza I have ever seen in my life - all for her.

I did my research since I wanted to eat at a restaurant that had other options more paleo-friendly for me and I found the Rustic Grille right here in our town. I ordered an "Aruba salad." That was a plate full of romaine and spinach leaves, grilled chicken breast, strawberries, grapes, walnuts and coconut flakes topped off with raspberry vinaigrette. I'm sure that the vinaigrette wasn't gluten-free and the walnuts and coconut were probably sweetened but I thought it was still a decent lunch all things considered. I haven't had dressing on a salad in months so I was giddy from this treat. Feel free to laugh at the insanity of that. Anyway, my daughter and I walked out of there quite pleased with ourselves and it truly was a nice mother, daughter moment. She behaved quite nicely and remembered her table manners at the restaurant so it was practically stress-free for me. When we got in the car I said "maybe for your next reward we could go to Jellybean Jungle (a local indoor play place) or go shopping for a new dress. Maybe something we could do with Joshua." "Mommy I don't want Joshua to go." "You just want it to be me and you?" I asked. "Yes," she replied. That made me feel really nice. Daughter gets extra points at all gift-giving holidays this year.

In other news, I've lost a couple more pounds this month and I'm now at a lower weight than I was on my wedding day. I have more bulk on my hips and thighs than I did seven years ago but carrying a couple of babies will do that to you. Right now I'm between a size 8 and a size 10. I'm feeling pretty freakin' ecstatic. Oh, and I'm doing this while still nibbling on chocolate most days. Yay!

One thing I am disappointed in regarding the goals I set at the beginning of the year is finding time in the evening for myself. I just haven't done any writing really except for this blog. I find myself sucked into Facebook and some of the applications and before I know it Doug is wanting to watch TV or it's time for bed. Obviously, mediation has been ignored as well. So, I would really like to put some more effort into that area. I believe it's important to nourish the body and the soul and although I'm doing good with the body my soul is getting neglected and that's going to lead to imbalance or the continuance of it.

Okay, time to gripe about the pollen. Ugh. Hate the stuff. I know it means the trees are going to be wearing their leaves and flowers soon and it will look beautiful. However, my son and I are suffering terribly right now. I have a frog in my throat most of the day and I'm feeling more wiped out than usual. Joshua is having an eczema flare on his face (pictures tomorrow should be interesting) and he has a runny nose all day long. With the nicer weather we've been playing outside more often and I haven't been doing what the allergist told me to do with him - have him take his clothes off and jump in the shower immediately when we get back in the house. I'm usually so tired after we've been playing outside and I have to fix dinner. On top of that, he's adamant that he doesn't want to take a shower. It's just not worth the energy to fight that battle. So, today, we didn't play outside at all. Both kids were bummed about this (as was I) but I hate to see him itchy and uncomfortable. I so want my kids to have a love of the outdoors and to play outside as much as they want but it looks like that's just not going to be possible during the allergy season. Frankly, the only time my son's not reacting to something outside is during the winter. So, instead they're developing a love of the Wii. Let me just say this - it's so unfair. Oh and Joshua really wants to play with the cats but he can't due to his allergies. My poor kid.

Thank God for Sesame Street

Honestly. I am completely exhausted today. Both kids seem tired too and cranky. It's two hours until Doug gets home so I did what any rational parent would do. I put on the TV and I told them to watch Sesame Street. That show is a parent's ticket to peace. It lasts an hour long without commercial breaks, is interesting enough to hold the kids' interest that long and it's almost guilt-free since it's considered "educational."

So, what's going on with me that I feel this wiped out? It's probably a combo of factors. I've been pushing hard on EA Active, doing the medium level (thank God today was a "rest day" for it) as well as my daily morning exercises. In addition, with the nicer weather, I've been spending at least an hour outside with the kids. I tend to do yard work while they're playing like picking up sticks or pulling out dead plants. Things that are harder labor than I'm used to.

I've also had some added stress this week. Joshua had an allergist appointment on Monday, an occupational therapist appointment yesterday followed by a recheck of his ears at the pediatrician's. That appointment was a bust since the pediatrician informed me Joshua still has the fluid in his ears. We're giving it one more month and then we'll have to consult with a surgeon about putting tubes in to drain the fluid. Ack! Then, this a.m., when I dropped off Joshua at preschool, the teacher handed me the report on his vision screening by the State. Joshua failed it and they claim he might have a muscle imbalance in his eyes. Oh Lord. Doug's sister has a "lazy eye" and I'm afraid that Joshua may have inherited that tendency. The pediatrician's office told me (I immediately called them on the phone) that they only do basic vision testing (he has 20/30 vision according to them so he can't be too bad) and I need to consult with an ophthalmologist. So, not only are we dealing with Joshua's multiple food and environmental allergies and eczema, along with delayed motor skills, we also have a possible vision problem. I really really need a vacation.

Then, to add to my stress, I had an appointment with the school registrar this morning to hand in the paperwork for Joshua's kindergarten registration. I went in there all confident since I not only had all the paperwork filled out, I had extra forms of identification to prove residency. One problem that the registrar kindly pointed out: they all had the P.O. Box address on them and couldn't be used. So, I was sent home to find proof of residency and told to fax it to her. Doug was home so he offered to use the fax machine on my printer that I'd never used before (I'm completely clueless). Surprise! I was out of ink and couldn't make a copy of the items we need to fax. Sigh. Doug ended up having to stop at the school on his way to work instead.

I've been drinking coffee despite my determination to give it up as of last post. I wonder if that's adding to my fatigue. The amount of sleep I've been getting is better than decent - between 7 and 8 hours each night.

So over-exertion, stress and coffee. Those are what I see as contributing to this yucky feeling. Oh, let's add in PMS too for kicks. Ugh.

Shopping from my attic

Well, this week has been a success for me even though I haven't lost even a smidgen of a pound. The reason I'm feeling so chipper is that I went up to the attic today and dragged down a black plastic trash bag I had stuffed full of clothes last year, certain that I'd never wear them again. See, a year ago, I assumed that I was stuck in this post-baby body and that the slightly chunky look was where I was stuck. To my delight, I pulled one thing after another out of that bag and it fit me. A miniskirt that I haven't been able to wear in five years is fitting me perfectly now. I found four pairs of pants that I couldn't squeeze into and now they look great. A nice black suit from my corporate days fits me as well. My biggest triumph - the green dress I wore after my wedding fits again. I don't think I have the same body I did when I got married but I'm getting closer. Van Halen concert t-shirt here I come!

So, I didn't lose any weight last week and I got addicted to coffee again. However, finding that I'm fitting into clothes I gave up for lost is inspiring me to keep with the program. After one last cup of the evil coffee this afternoon I'm going to give it up again. I will also pay closer attention even when eating out so I don't overeat. I really need to learn to stop eating when I'm full no matter how good the food tastes. I will keep exercising except on days when I feel my absolute worst. I have to listen to my body and know when to stop after all. I also give myself one day off a week from the exercise to give my muscles time to heal.

I'm also feeling upbeat since the weather is beautiful. Right now it's sunny and 55 degrees outside. After the kids finish watching their TV show and have a snack I'm taking them out to romp in the yard. YAY!