Happy Hanukkah!

I realize that I haven't posted in months. I guess there just hasn't been much to write about. I've started doing some beading to give me a creative outlet and because I've always loved jewelry. Here is a bracelet I made for a friend's daughter. She loves the colors orange and blue and basketball. Voila!
On another crafty note I was inspired by mommy mae's blog to create a decoration for Hanukkah. This is what I ended up creating.Each night the kids will "light" a new candle by placing a felt flame on the appropriate candle. Kinda cool, eh?

Well, I have a cold, a low-grade fever and I only slept three hours last night. I still have to get supper on the table, light the menorah and give presents to the kids and husband so I will keep this short for now. I'll write more in the future.

First Day of Kindergarten

Joshua had his first day of kindergarten today. Yes, I'm okay. No, really, I didn't cry or run after the bus. However, I would like to know when they started allowing babies to attend school. Sigh, is he really five years old already? Some days I feel like it was just yesterday that I was stressing over when he'd finally master the art of rolling over and other days it feels like his infancy is a lifetime ago. Regardless, I'd just like to say here that I am so proud of the little boy he's become and I can't wait to see how he continues to develop. Nothing makes my heart sing as much as when he grabs my hand and tells me he loves me (ok, my daughter does that to me too). Anyway, I would just like to state for the record that I am so glad that I had him and his sister and I can't imagine what life would've been like if I didn't have them.

In crazy cat lady news, I pulled Ralphie and Lucy (one at a time) out of the cat room today, strapped a harness on them and took them into the backyard. It's been way too long since I've brushed them and all the cats have suffered as a result. My allergies to cats have become worse and I can't stand to be in that room for more than a few minutes at a time thanks to my eyes getting itchy and watery and my throat getting congested. Perhaps it's because that room is rarely cleaned and the dander just gets so concentrated. Regardless, I felt bad that they had been so neglected as of late so taking them outside seemed like a good idea. They loved the fresh air and the attention and I enjoyed being able to pet them without reacting. Of course, I changed my shirt once we returned inside so as not to expose Joshua to the nasty stuff. I just wish Sahara hadn't fought the harness so much as she really needed a brushing. I didn't think I could get her outside since she was thrashing around as soon as I tried to fasten the buckle.

Anyway, despite having a cold and ragweed allergies I think I'm feeling pretty good today. I'm looking forward to joining a friend for dinner tonight. I know I'll be pretty wiped out afterward but it will be worth it. Oh, and I'm going to have french fries dammit.

I don't get it. Why me? When will this end?

Dear Universe,
My apologies for adding some negative energy to you but I'm feeling really pissed and I need to vent. You or someone must really be effing me or perhaps I did some really bad things in this life or a previous life.

Regardless I'd like an explanation for some things. Why is it a person like me, who loves to travel, gets to only go on three-day trips once or twice a year and then suffers for days afterward? I'm on my third day of a sore throat, unrelieved exhaustion and on the verge of tears after a three-day-weekend trip to Boston. Of course, you set it up so that I moved away from all my friends and family so I have to travel to see anyone I care about beyond my husband and kids. Oh, and don't get me started about this stay at home mom business. You know that's always been my nightmare. Yeah, having kids is great but having a job outside of the home is what made me feel like I was productive and contributing something to this world. I defined myself with a job title and my education before I got sick. Now I'm dependent on my husband for money, companionship and help caring for the kids. Yeah, just want an independent-minded feminist wanted out of life.

So, I'd probably be alright with all of this except for one thing. When you took away my ability to work, travel, hike, and think clearly, you didn't take away my desire to do these things. Every once in awhile I say the heck with it and do something I really shouldn't. Then, bam, you hit me with the swollen glands, sore throat, fatigue and, if I'm having a really bad day, the fibromyalgia pain. Kind of like you're telling me "told you so." So, what am I supposed to do with this restless energy, the desire to achieve and to go out there and use these abilities I know I'm blessed with? What grand lesson do I need to learn to get you to grant me healing? What am I supposed to do with my life now? I've been sick for over eight years now and I keep hoping that something is going to change and that I'll see some improvement. I've tried so many different diets, supplements, healers and medications. I've been subjected to blood tests, MRIs, CAT scans and research studies. Yet, I'm still at square one.

I know that I'll never be the old me again. That's pretty clear. However, it would be nice to be like an average 38-year-old. I'm not asking to win marathons, I just want to be able to work, take care of my kids and do some activities that enrich my soul. I really don't think that's asking a lot.

In conclusion, poop pants.

Sincerely,
Sleepy Mama Cat

Paleo Diet - Success by the Numbers

I have concrete proof that the paleo diet has been beneficial to my health. In addition to losing 25 pounds since January, check out my recent blood test results:
Total cholesterol: 138
Triglycerides: 69
HDL cholesterol: 54
LDL cholesterol: 70

This is simply amazing to me because just a few years ago my total cholesterol was in the 220s and my HDL was very low. I would say this is a very positive turn around. And this is happening with a diet that is heavy in the dark turkey and chicken parts, and beef. Go figure. In addition, I was very pleased, and relieved, to see that even my levels of calcium were perfect even though I don't consume any dairy products.

Ok, so why do I still feel crappy? Other than the mysteriously high levels of cortisol my blood test results were all normal. I have my new lab slip now. I will be eager to see what the results of that round of testing reveals. I think I will wait a week or so to get the test done though as Doug is traveling next week and I'll be on my own. I don't need to stress my system during that time.

Exhausted or Hurting? Pick one.

With much trepidation I decided to try a new medication over the weekend called Nuvigil. It's made by the same company that makes Provigil - something I tried without success in 2002. However, my doctor assured me that I wouldn't have the same jolting experience that I had with Provigil and I was desperate to find a way to fight past this exhaustion and get things done again. So, on Saturday, I took the first pill. Saturday was amazing. I felt like I had energy and felt really good about life. I got a lot of shopping done, played with the kids and took the dog for a walk. To my great relief, I was able to sleep that night. I'd suffered from terrible insomnia while on Provigil so I'd been fully prepared to be awake for days on this new stuff.

When I started the new medication I read the information and it said I shouldn't have caffeine or alcohol. Now, if I'd known this I would've been tapering off of the caffeine for a few days but instead I quit it cold turkey. I suffered some nasty withdrawal symptoms like headaches and irritability but I figured it was all for the good. After all, coffee and chocolate aren't exactly part of the Paleo diet and everything I read tells me to avoid caffeine when you have CFS. So, here was my excuse to give it up. So, when the back ache developed on Sunday and spread from my neck across my shoulders I figured it was withdrawal symptoms. However, last night it woke me up at 3:30 in the a.m. The pain had moved down my back and down my legs and it hurt like nothing I've ever experienced before. This morning the pain was still here but I soldiered on - what else could I do? My husband couldn't exactly stay home from work and the kids and animals had to be cared for. It hurt to brush my hair so I hope I didn't look too scary at Joshua's OT appointment. I didn't even bother with makeup.

There could be several reasons for this pain. Our mattress is very old and sagging and provides absolutely no support. I think we're past the point where flipping and rotating it again will be futile. A second possibility is that the storms rolling in this a.m. caused a terrible fibro flare but one like I've never had so bad before. Finally, it could be the Nuvigil. According to their prescribing info one of the possible side effects is back pain. This was my suspicion, so I called my doctor who prescribed this to get her opinion. I was going to wait until my phone consult on Thursday but the pain just got too overwhelming to delay any discussion. She didn't think the Nuvigil could be the cause since she hadn't had any other patients complain about it. However, she recommended that I take a break from it for a couple of days and then try it again to see if it's the cause of the pain. I'm just pleased to know that this is something I won't have to worry about weaning myself off of.

I am feeling frustrated. Although it wasn't a 100% cure for me it did give me an extra boost of energy so that I could function. I'm still not in a place where I could be an active mommy with my kids but at least now they have clean toilets in the house and I feel like I can do a few fun things with them. Now it looks like I may have to choose between having that energy and being incapacitated with pain (Tylenol helps a little but doesn't make it go away completely), or not being in pain and just being a slug again. Please excuse the yelling. NOT FAIR!!!

In other news, as of today, I've lost 25 pounds since the beginning of January. I am so pleased with this and really feel good about how I look. I'm wearing a sheath dress to my cousin's wedding on Saturday and I won't have to worry about any wacky bulges and I won't have to sweat in control underwear. If only the weight loss had translated to a complete improvement in my health but I guess I couldn't get that lucky. Maybe now that I'm back to gluten-free I'll start feeling better. Oh, speaking of that, I have a phone consult on Thursday afternoon with the doctor who ordered those blood tests. I'll be sure to post the results of that conversation.